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[Monica Padilla]

Preliminary Shakespeare stuff

[The lady Eliza standeth atop a balcony, braiding orchids into her raven hair. Monica sneaketh in.]

Eliza: What soft? What light through yonder breaks? It is the East, and Monica is sun! Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon! Hark, she speaks!

Monica: Eliza? Eliza? Wherefore art thou, Eliza?

Eliza: A jest! Surely thou seest me?

Monica: Alack! The nightdark hath rendered me as Helen Keller!

Eliza: O cruel fate! That such beauteous eyes be blinded!

Monica: Indeed. But, I come not seeking thy pity, but thy aid!

Eliza: Aid? For blindness? Surely I should be useless! I counsel thee to seek out Marcus, who is a physician.

Monica: No! Fool! Aid regarding the vote! The house of Neishi wills to follow thee in pursuit of a target of thine own selection, shouldst thou only accept the hand they offer.

Eliza: Alack! I must debate this! Dare I trust thee?

Monica: O Eliza, Eliza! Wherefore art thou strategically, Eliza?
Deny thy false allies and refuse thy tribe!
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my ally,
And I’ll forever be a Neishi.

Eliza: Zounds! This confliction stirs within my bosom! I am fair undone! I am of Kansai! Art thou my enemy?

Monica: It is thy tribe which is my enemy!
Thou art thyself, not a Kansai!
What’s Kansai? O, be some other tribe!
What’s in a tribe? That which we call Tara
By another other name wouldst smell as... pungent.
So too Eliza, were she not Kansai call’d,
Retain that dear perfection which she owns
Without that title. Eliza, doff thy tribe,
And for thy tribe, which is not part of thee,
Take all myself to the final three.

Eliza: I take thee at thy word.
Call me but ally, and I will nevermore be Kansai.

Monica: O joy! Rapture! I pledge to thee that evermore we shall closest allies be.

Eliza: Yet! How shall the vote proceed? I dare say I wouldst see Jaime off the first, owing to her trespasses against my person.

Monica: Alas! Poor Jaime, I knew her well.

Eliza:

[Monica Padilla]

Preliminary Rap

What up, what up?
Got M. Padil-la made it to the final fo’
And you know she, you know she,
Gotta get herself the neck-a-lace for sho’
‘cause you know if I don’t then these killas
Gonna stomp me, Gonna stomp me,
And you know they gonna chomp me up like Godzilla

Elements to incorporate:

Samurai, seppuku, geisha, tea ceremony, crane, gardens, sumo, battle royale, autumn leaves, sushi, robotics, cherry blossoms, origami, Tokyo, Mt. Fuji, kimono

Sarah, question for you: do I get any kind of bonus if I record myself actually singing this?

[Monica Padilla]

Preliminary episode guide. It bothers me that some of the episodes are so long, but that's legitimately how the strategy went down in those rounds.

Episode 301: The First Cut Is The Deepest

Seventeen castaways embark on an astounding adventure in the wilds of Japan. They are immediately thrust headlong into the game, as the hosts inform them that they will be competing for the right to pick tribes. After an intense battle, Jaime and Fairplay are awarded the victory. In the tribe selection, Rob’s poor performance leaves him nowhere to go, and he is eliminated.

Episode 302: Cut Off

The newly-formed Neishi and Kansai tribes face off in their first challenge: kimono designing. Jane makes the controversial decision to change Neishi’s design without consulting the tribe. The risk pays off, and Kansai goes to tribal council. NaOnka is the initial target, but Jaime approaches the other girls to blindside Eliza, fearing that she is untrustworthy. The tribe listens, and Eliza is blindsided in a unianimous vote.

Episode 303: Cutting The Fat

It’s another individual showdown as the castaways scramble to collect coins for Immunity. The girls of Kansai put on a strong performance, and claim the idol. Heading into their first TC, Neishi are split between their weakest links: JT and Tyrone. John unsuccessfully attempts to blindside tribe leader Fairplay, for his irritating attitude. But John is ultimately unable to win Neishi’s support and JT is voted off.

Episode 304: Cold Cuts

Unhappy to learn that he was a target, Tyrone hooks up with Jane and Monica, and the three of them join John in his quest to blindside Fairplay. However, John’s plans are sidelined once more as the members of Neishi physically dominate the weaker Kansai tribe in a combative Immunity challenge. NaOnka’s poor challenge performance seals her fate, and she becomes the fourth person eliminated from the game.

Episode 305: Clear-Cut Decision

Fairplay’s unpopularity threatens to be his downfall, as Neishi consider throwing a challenge to vote him off, in order to mend hostilities with Kansai. Jane and Tyrone note Monica’s friendliness to Fairplay, and consider the possibility that she may be playing both sides. However, Neishi opt to maintain their numbers advantage, and Benry’s weakness in the challenge singlehandedly costs Kansai Immunity. With no other possible target, he is unanimously voted off.

Episode 306: Fish Or Cut Bait?

A tribe switch shakes up the game. New Kansai has Christy and Jaime on the wrong side of a numbers advantage, and both play hard to form connections with their new tribemates. Christy and Jane form a pact not to vote for each other, and Christy reveals that new Neishi’s Alexis has a double-vote card. Meanwhile, Monica and Jaime rekindle an old friendship, agreeing to watch out for each other in case of a loss. Over on Neishi, Alexis’ double vote means certain doom for Fairplay, until Monica suggests that he pretend to have received a hidden Immunity idol from the first challenge.

Frightened by the possibility of a Kansai Girls Alliance, new Kansai clash over whether or not to throw the challenge. Jane wants to win and be rid of Fairplay, while Monica insists that getting rid of the threatening Kansai members is more important. The challenge is thrown, despite Jane’s objections. Fed up with Monica’s bossiness and loyalty to Fairplay, Jane and Tyrone change their votes, forcing a three-way tie between Monica, Christy, and John. Monica pleads for Jane to spare her, swearing her loyalty to Jane. Jane relents, much to Tyrone’s annoyance, and John’s poor social skills make him the unfortunate target of a unanimous revote.

Episode 307: Cut It Out!

Paranoia is the order of the day as both tribes prepare to go all out in the next Immunity challenge. However, a shocking pair of twists rock the game to its foundations. An Outcast challenge brings Eliza back into the game, while the rest of the cast scramble to collect coins. The anonymous distribution puts all players at risk. Embittered by her near-elimination, Monica plans to use her supply of coins to tip the scales and sabotage Tyrone. But all plans stall when Charlie announces that he is leaving the game.

Going into Tribal Council, Eliza and Jaime have Immunity, leaving everyone else vulnerable. Despite Fairplay’s belief that Eliza will be loyal to him, she instead turns to Amanda, who admits to wanting Tyrone and Alexis gone after Neishi has been crippled. After attempting to strip Fairplay of the Hidden Immunity Idol, the former Kansai members blindside Brad with the help of Alexis’ double-vote card.

Episode 308: Cutting it Close

Down a member, and exposed to have no idol, the members of the former Neishi tribe appear to be on the verge of destruction. Jane is approached for an alliance with the Kansai girls, and Tyrone agrees to betray Fairplay in order to secure his own safety. However, Monica approaches Eliza for an alliance, promising to help Eliza get vengeance on the Kansais who originally voted her off. After Monica gives her an Immunity necklace Eliza is convinced, and selects Jaime as her first target. Tyrone’s betrayal results in a tie between the original tribal leaders Jaime and Fairplay.

Monica and Eliza court Alexis’ vote, promising her a guaranteed spot in the final four if she will turn on her allies. Alexis is unconvinced, until Amanda’s betrayal is revealed. Jane passes the same information on to Tyrone, and Jaime comes up short in a six-to-two revote.

Episode 309: Measure Once, Cut Twice

The shattered Kansai alliance scramble for safety after Jaime’s departure. Monica wins a speed-based reward, which allows her to sit someone out of the final seven Immunity challenge. She selects Tyrone.

The Immunity challenge requires players to guess each other’s colors. Eliza shares her answers with Monica, who wins Immunity and an additional mystery reward. Not wanting to make her connection to Eliza obvious, Monica passes the reward to Fairplay. Eliza feels betrayed, publicly attacks Monica, and then reports her duplicity to Fairplay.

Episode 310: Death Of A Thousand Cuts

It’s a clash of wills between the Neishi women as Monica and Jane argue fiercely over the next vote. Jon

Episode 311: Making The First Cut

Reeling from the loss of her ally, Monica fears that she may be next to go. Having both been betrayed by those they trusted, Monica and Jane approach Alexis and Eliza for an all-female alliance. The newly-christened Black Widow Brigade targets Marcus, fearing that he has secretly been controlling Tyrone. Despite Eliza’s efforts to regain trust, paranoia is rampant. Jane attempts to talk Monica into throwing the Immunity challenge, but Monica pulls out another Immunity win, and the newly-christened Black Widow Brigade successfully blindsides Marcus.

Episode 312: Director’s Cut

Jane